The Beginning of a New Year

It all started out like this....

Back towards the beginning of July, a box of curriculum shows up at my door step waiting to be opened.  My heart gasps a bit, and I pick it up and set it inside my door.  Then I walk away.  For the next two weeks, I pretend it isn't there.

"Can I really do this again?"

A few weeks later, the calendar flips to August, and yes, the said box is still sitting by my front door.  By this time it has been opened up a few days prior to grab one or two books from it, (to ease my guilt of not touching it) but the rest are left untouched. 

"But I haven't even had a summer yet!"  "My mind can't even go there right now!" 

As the calendar days start ticking away, I feel like a deer caught in headlights.  I'm sure people look at me and see that my eyes are bulging out of their sockets every time the subject of school comes up.  One Sunday afternoon, I finally take a deep breath and dig into the box.

(And yes, that is a big pile of chocolate wrappers on the table and somewhere is an empty bowl of M&M's.

This kind of work cannot be done without chocolate.)

I look through, sort, and label all the books which will become our year of 2nd Grade.

I don't think I will ever be able to put my heart into words as to why we homeschool.  It is definitely one of the best and hardest things I know I will ever do in my life.  Many days seem like a fine dance to me between the awesome things about homeschooling and the hard things about homeschooling.  They are intertwined, overlapping, and sometimes are the same thing.  But I continue to take steps of faith forward because I know that for this season of life, God has called me to do this. 

I love this quote from Priscilla Shirer because for me, it applies to homeschooling. 

Ms. Shirer says, “When you face two options and each seems to please God, consider the one that displays God’s glory, power and strength. This makes room for God to reveal Himself to you and show Himself through you. God wants us to see the wondrous things He will accomplish in us. Don’t be fearful about the hard road He may ask you to take. Be encouraged and excited about seeing His divine, supernatural activity in and through you. God’s voice commands the option that will display His power. He desires to show Himself strong in you and will encourage you to do things that require trust and faith.”

It can feel overwhelming to homeschool.  At the beginning of the year, I look at the books and all the plans and I'm fearful about the road ahead that I'm walking on.  My heart yells, "I can't do this!" 

No, I can't.  And God doesn't call me to do it on my own.  He doesn't want me to.  He wants me to rely on Him and Him alone.  And I fail at this every day.... sometimes every moment!  But He continues to call my heart towards Him and remind me to try again and look to Him.  I know that if I keep my focus and trust on Him, I can do this.  He wants me to depend on Him and die to myself so that He will work through me.  He wants to increase my faith and trust, and most days He uses school to do this. 

So as the beginning of a new school year starts, I have a little chorus from church that has been playing over and over in my head the last few weeks, encouraging my heart...

"I may be weak... but Your Spirit's strong in me.

My flesh may fail... but my God You never will!"

 

God, thank you for being strong in me when I feel so weak.  Thank you that you never give up on me (even when I neglect a curriculum box for weeks and tell You that I can't do what You've asked me to do) and that You continue to work Your plan in my life.  May You alone be glorified in my life and through this school year.