I Trust You

Words from Psalm 25 -

 

In You, Lord my God, I put my trust.

I trust You!

 

Show me Your ways, Lord, teach me Your paths.

Guide me in Your truth and teach me...

for You are my God, my Savior,

and my hope is in You all day long.

 

You guide me in what is right and teach me Your way.

According to Your love, remember me, for You, Lord, and good.

All Your ways are loving and faithful...

 

The Lord confides in those who fear Him,

He makes His covenant known to them.

My eyes are ever on my Lord,

for only He will release my feet from the snare...

and relieve the troubles of my heart.

 

Guard my life... for I take refuge in You, and my hope, Lord, is in You!

 

In You, Lord my God, I put my trust.

I trust You!

Smile Day

She came into my life fast and furious... and with the words,

"It's A Girl!"

she painted my world with pink and my heart with joy.

 

And the from the first moment I saw her... I was in love. 

Who wouldn't be?  Those deep eyes.  That hair that sticking up all over the place. 

That precious face God had made was my baby girl... My Ainsley.

 

But as fast as she entered this world, she also ushered us into a world that I had only known from magazine adds and TV commercials.  Before we knew it we were being given a stack of photocopied papers from a text book on bilateral cleft lips and had OT specialists in the hospital trying to help her eat.  We had doctors and nurses throwing around numbers like "they do surgery when she reaches the 5-5-5 rule" or "probably around 6 weeks they'll want to do this or that to her..." 

So many comments and no real answers... 

 

And all I wanted to do was love on my little girl. 

 

I can remember one of my first thoughts after she was born was...

"My God who started us on this journey will walk with us through it..."

Those first few months were precious and overwhelming.  Falling in love with my baby girl.  Visiting doctors.  Never feeling like I had all the information I needed. Pink laundry.  Feeding issues.  Having to squeeze her cheeks together so she could suck on the supplement bottle we had to give her so she would gain weight.  

Feeling like we had no clue what was going on and no one else knew how to help us. 

A growing dread of what was ahead of us.

So many questions. Very few answers. 

Walking blindly forward because we didn't know how else to walk. 

Trusting that the God who started us on this journey would walk with us through it.

 

I remember those first smiles.  Those big, wide smiles.  Who wouldn't fall in love with them?

 

I remember tracing the outline of her lips... seeing where each tiny part was so different than a normal lip... and feeling so close to God. It was as if I could see His fingerprint right there in front of me... Where He decided to break the mold and be different. Where He decided exactly to start and end her cleft. Where each "knit" He choose in my womb for her was His unique design.. just for her... chosen to be just as it is... and here I was running my fingers across the top of it. God's fingerprint right there.

 

As her surgery date crept closer, I remember the battle going on inside of my heart.  I knew that she needed this surgery... to eat, to talk, to "fit in" with society, but oh, I did not want her to change.  With every fiber in my being I did not want her to change.  This was my girl.  This was how God made her... and the purity of her face and smile before me would never be the same.  It would be "man made" and I didn't know if I wanted that.

 

I remember taking so many pictures of her... from every angle so I could to catch each different smile and expression she made.  But it seemed that no matter how many pictures I took, it was never enough.  No matter how long I stared at her I couldn't burn her face into my memory enough.

I remember the hardest part for me was the feeling like I had to say good-bye to my baby.  That I had to lose this baby I loved so much and replace her with a baby with a different look, different lip, and different smile.  The part that killed my heart... that there was a part of my Ainsley that was going away forever and never coming back.  She would never get the chance to know and embrace this part of herself that is so much of who she is.  

 

But with dependence and trust in God, on February 4th, 2008, we kissed her good-bye and embraced with faith and anticipation the new path He was taking us on. 

We knew that our God who started us on this journey would walk with us through it. 

And on that day... we took our last look at that precious face...

And took our first look... and embraced with loving arms the new "smile" God had made for her. 

From that day on, February 4th has been known as "SMILE DAY" at our house. It's a special day that we want to remember, and celebrate. Our God is faithful. His plan is perfect. And this little girl God blessed us with... how can we thank God enough for giving her to us?

Five years ago today, our little girl got a new smile.

Our God who started us on this journey has walk with us through it.  And I praise Him because I know in His faithfulness,  He will continue to do so day after day and for all the years to come.

So to our Creative...

Silly...

Beautiful Girl with a beautiful smile...

 Happy Smile Day Ainsley! 

 

 

Picture This: Learning about Lewis and Clark

Lewis and Clark Museum:  Nebraska City

Counting His Gifts....

The weeks have been a bit long around here lately...
Daddy's been gone alot... the little guy has been a bit sick... calendar seems full...

But it is in weeks like this that I need to remember the gifts from Him... the gifts He gives to remind me of His love for me, the way He seeks me out, and how as my Father, He loves to give good gifts.

Thanking Him tonight for...

a warm house on super cold days

watching a little brother and sister play together for an hour

homeschooling

grace and forgiveness in my parenting

a job my husband loves and is extremely good at

His Word in the mornings

making cupcakes with my little two... something I don't do enough of

the way she decorated each one special

super warm sweat pants

singing about snowflakes being chocolate bars and milkshakes with my Coop preschool class at the top of our lungs

breathing medicine

an early surprise for my friend in California... a new son... NICU doctors... the precious gift of life

praying with a friend

a new framed verse for my kitchen window reminding me to renew my mind and encouraging me to hide His Word in my heart

the delight on his face when I brought his red car in from the garage to play with inside... and the giggles that have come from him in the days since

finishing a book *gasp!*  (don't ask me how look it took me!)

tucking my biggest in at night and admiring the Lego work of art he created

organizing our school room

the "gift" my little son made for my big son... and how he placed it in his room for him... just so.
(of course it has to be green!)

singing with my children

her door... her wall... her desk... the way it drives me crazy and at the same time makes me love her more each time I walk past... her creative mind... her love for fashion... her need for all things art... and that God knew I needed this splash of pink in my life...

at the end of the day, hearing my baby pray to Jesus... thanking Him for monster trucks that crush white cars, car transporters, for Jesus loving him, and for watching him and keeping him safe

good, good gifts... from a good, good Father...

S-P-E-L-L

Liam has always loved spelling.  Since Kindergarten this has consistently been named as one of his favorite school subjects.  So when I asked if he would be interested in doing the Omaha area Homeschool Spelling Bee, he was all in. 

I told him that if we were going to do this, that he would have to practice the words and put a little time and effort into it, and he was ready.  So for the last two weeks, we spent time going over around 450 second grade words that he might be asked to spell.  Only a few times did he or I have a little "mini meltdown" about how we didn't want to do this... *wink* But by the time the day came last week, he was ready to go!

I, on the other hand, wasn't so sure!  I am not a good speller.  I would have NEVER done this as a child in a million years, and even as an adult, this made me nervous.  New situations that I've never been to make me slightly nervous.  Add onto that the fact that I was nervous for him, I really wanted him to do his best, have a good time, and come away glad that he did this.

He is so much like his father in the fact that he wasn't nervous at all.  I didn't want to ask him too many times and make him nervous, but he was as calm as a cucumber!  I asked a few times that morning if he wanted to look over his words and practice a bit more, but I was met with a, "No mom, I'm good!" 

The woman who organizes the Spelling Bee said that for some reason registration was really low this year.  Usually there are 10-15 kids per grade that participate.  This year second grade had three.  But three was a good number for me for our first year of trying this!  *wink*

Liam did awesome!  All three of the second graders knew their words well.  They soon had to move up to the hard list and all three did great!  Soon the first misspelling took place, and a bit after that, Liam got the word, "anything" and forgot the "y".  I just had to smile because I had told him that even though we worked on all the hard words, it usually is a word you know well that ends up tripping you up! :)

Liam was so proud of himself... and we were super proud of him as well!  He got 2nd place and was thrilled about his medal!  Of course in true Liam fashion, he said, "I'm glad I got second place... because the gold metal really looked like a bronze one!" 

After the Spelling Bee, we picked up Ainsley and Kallan and headed to Pizza Hut for a celebration lunch!  It was a fun way to celebrate!

In the end I'm glad we did the Spelling Bee, and I learned so much about myself, myself as a mom, and myself as a teacher.  I also learned so much about my son... and that I love him so much!

 

We are proud of you Liam!  Good job Buddy! 

100

It is not every day that you get to celebrate 100 years of life of someone you love.

I have been blessed... as I have had the privilege of doing it twice...
Once for my Great Grandpa Gloystein who turned 100 when I was in high school.
And yesterday... for Tim's (and my) Grandma Vanderford who turned 100 years old.

Wow... 100. 

It's an amazing thought to be blessed with 100 years of life from God.  She is an amazing woman.  She still lives out on the farm where she has lived for at least the last 60 years. 
She loves her church and can be found there every Sunday morning. 
She loves people well and enjoys having little "inside jokes" with everyone. 
She love to say "Ta-Ta" for good bye. 
When Tim was little, one of his favorite memories about her is that she would make "surprise bottles" for them... which were little Rolaids bottles filled with small goodies. 
(Nothing can beat a good surprise bottle)!
She loves to tickle the great grandkids on the back.
She is a great card player and plays a mean game of Phase 10 and Rummkub.
She had a gentle and quiet spirit that is just precious to me.
She lives well... she loves well... and she has such a special place in our hearts!

So yesterday we got to celebrate her!  Last year we had a big old party for her 99th birthday... but this year she was determined for it to be small and simple... just how she likes things. 
(Although Tim kept teasing her that we were going to take her sky diving instead of doing a party!)

We ate.  We sang happy birthday.  We had cake.  It was perfect.

(don't worry... my nephew was just crying happy tears for grandma turning 100! *wink*)

 

What is special about this face... is that it is so out of character for her... and yet so her! 

 Sweet and quiet... yet with a little spunk!  Precious!

For her gift, Ainsley decided to make grandma a card with 100 smiley faces in it.  She worked hard on it, and it was the best card she could have made for her. She was so excited to give it to her!

 

(her cousin, Abigail, had to count to make sure there was 100...)

 

 Grandma was thrilled to get 100 smiles from her sweet Great Granddaughter!  A precious memory...

 

I love this grandma... and she is such a special part of our family.  In the past year, her life has reminded me to live well, and love others deeply.  To take each day as a gift... as you don't know how many days or years God has ordained for your life.  Whether it is 1 year or 100... don't leave things undone... don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today.... and use the live God has given to you to touch others and be a blessing for His glory. 

 

Happy Birthday Grandma Vanderford!  We love you!